Bye 2005!

I only have 2 minutes to sum the year up if i want to post this entry up on this last day of 2005. And i am ill-prepared. Very.
Pardon the need to go back in time, when you read this on 2/1/2005 morning (most probably), cos i will backdate it.
To remember i did try to start the post on 31/12/2005. Also so that the title is still valid:P

The title of this post is deceptively more nonchalant than how I really feel tonight about bidding farewell to 2005.
So the obsession with date.
To cling on to the last moments of 2005 even as the clock ticks away.

As always, the missing and appreciation comes only when its gone.
If i had my way, I would stall time and not step into the new year. But at the rate that I am wishing for that almost every single year, I will still be stuck in yr 2000.
I'm starting to miss 2005 - for its good, bad, happy, sad and how I've lived/endured/ survived through it.
...

1) Getting closer and keeping in touch with friends I never thought I can get along with
Losing contact with firm friends

2) Resisting even a trim of the hair above shoulder length for ages
Then deciding to shorn it short in a couple of minutes

3) Puzzled and trying to recall what I saw in the top that made me splurge so much on it a few seasons back
To fall back in favour for a top from years back that was never worn cos I considered it far too outlandish

4) Unable to keep up with the tempo, energy of those English raps I've grew up listening
Discovering how I can actually identify with many of the Chinese ballads

5) Always habouring the fantasies, freedom and independence of living alone/abroad
To be proved so wrong.
Making Home- one of my favourite songs of the year and realising there's, really, no place like home.

6) Putting judgement that certain people/jobs/things/actions would not be sought after/fancied too quickly
Finding out - to each his/her own.
There would be someone out there that would be sharp enough to spot, find and pursue the gem that nobody saw and do wonders with it

7) Disappointing myself - for failing at stuff I thought i'm/was fully capable of &
Surprising myself- making it through the difficult times
I've been both humbled and awed this year

8) Overestimating how mature, collected, in control, pragmatic I am/can be
Underestimating how vulnerable, disoriented, lost and confused I can get relying on myself
I need God. Memorise and remember it!!

9) To learn that all lists dun necessarily have to have 10 points to make it complete:P

2005.
Unpredictability.Fragility. Frivolity. Surprises. Shocks. Cold. Warmth. Twists. Turns
Giving and taking chances.
Just like any year. But yet unique in its own way.

A year soon to go down in history
Prepared or not,
Yet another year coming along- fast and furious.

Christmas isn't Christmas till it Happens in Your Heart

Dear Readers,

Special bumper issue today in celebration of Christmas! Since ST isn't published today. I will do my part to let you'll have your daily read:)
Haha...in my tired state on Fri night, i didn't know that the last post wasn't published. So many apologies and a belated Merry Christmas.

Luv,
Cranberrymist


Christmas.
Every year, it comes and goes.

- There are the tropical sunny ones. Then they are the rainy, chilly, windy ones that bring the imagination a lil closer to the white christmases that sounds so exotic and lovely.
- There are those where I've slept through, worn out by the day's work or play and those that I have stayed vigil to welcome and usher in
- There are years where the word Christmas adds a bounce to the step. And years where the mention lends a little heaviness to the steps- for the weight not lost, cards not sent and gifts not bought.
- There are the very first few spent at family gatherings with sumptious spreads. Then the coming of age ones spent with friends. Only then, settling for chips and salads does one know how much preparation and effort actually goes into coming out with the lavish feast huh:P?
- There have been the loud, boisterous and busy ones with back to back celebrations, experiencing both the commercialised fun and subsequent physical and emotional hangover. And the quiet, restful ones- where there's a renewal in spirit and restoration of peace in my mind.

The pristineness, simplicity and innoncence of Christmas from young.
Of family and loved ones all back together.
Of feasts and classic carols sung to bring some cheer
Of all misgivings and misunderstandings resolved and forgiven
Have been sobered/tarnished somewhat through the years.

It's not all saccharine sweet. Or heartrendingly warm.
Families may not be complete.
Frens may have relocated abroad. Or sent on a worktrip ( You two are dearly missed)
The company of last christmas maybe different from this christmas.
There can be no complete abandonment of work
Turkey's missing from the spread
Hatchets may not be buried on this day we call Christmas
There's still disappointments, confusion, setbacks and doubts to deal with.

But I still love Christmas-
- For the uplifting carols that never fails to soothe and cheer me up, no matter what season and whom it's reinterpreted by
- For the only time I feel comfortable initiating conversations and unabashedly emailing/msging/calling friends to yell Merry Christmas to and thank them for their care
- The tingling of the heart when well-wishes are received

And most of all, the love that seeps in and fills every hollow in the heart
That heals every hurt or wound
That overflows to pay the price of my sins

I may habour many fantasies of Christmas. And be crushed when I find out that Santa Claus don't exist.
But don't ever let me lose sight of this
(J dear, you've got a present too:)- hang in there ya)
The best present that would be received

The true meaning and magic of Christmas.

I'll be Home this Christmas

All it took was 2 weeks of holing up at the client's place from dawn to dusk.
With minimal human contact. Just difficult clients in the day and cab drivers at night:P
Catching snatches of carols - only in the washroom.
Hurriedly staving off meals & hunger with packets aft packets of biscuits.

To make me spend the eve of Christmas eve in a way I never thought I would.
To make the usually extremely crowd averse me raring/determined to step into Orchard on Friday:

- To witness and get shoved and pushed by the crowds
- To after a few knocks, learn how to retaliate by brazenly squeezing and snaking through the crowds. The only advantage of being short:)
- To partake in the queues - to get into cabs, to gift wrap presents, to find seats. Also to have the luxurious option of walking away haughtily snubbing the queue.
- To engage in a massive festive christmas food spree- even if its just feasting for the eyes:).
- To eat a fried instant noodle dish for dinner that turned out to be surprisingly good when I wouldn't be caught eating instant noodles even at home

Alright, I wasn't as boisterous as I expressed it. In fact,only 15 minutes of being swamped by the hoardes, I was already pleading to leave the place . But still..I consider it a feat that I was actually there:)

Thank you best fren, for braving the crowds with me. And painting the town red...well, maybe only with our loud voices. But that's enough:P

"I'll be home for Christmas.
You can count on me."
~ Whitney Houston, I'll be Home this Christmas

Yes, I am so glad I am home for Christmas. And it needn't be only in my dreams.* Big grinz*

Have a blessed Christmas, everyone. May you take the time to feel the warmth, joy and love of the season. And help spread the cheer too.

Merry Christmas!

Do unto others as you would have them do to you

I must learn to do unto others only what I would like them do to me.
Here's what I get when I don't.


Past midnight after work one day.
Very drained and zonked out.
Midly impatient that the cab I called still hasn't arrived after a good 10 mins wait.

When it finally came, I garnered my last ounce of strength to lug the laptop and the luggage of workpapers on the cab and slammed the door shut... albeit a little too loudly.

I don't like others to treat me as a punch bag and vent their anger or displeasure at me though it's no fault of mine, do I?

Clearly, the cab driver wasn't too pleased and reminded me in an admonishing tone, "xiao jie, this is an auto door, don't have to use so much force to close it"

Point taken.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Mumbled a quick apology.
Uncle, XXX place please.
Cab driver: The originally quite chirpy face turns a shade darker.

Oops. I get upset even when pple call me 'xiao jie' now and no longer 'xiao mei'. I shouldn't presume that all cab drivers are already Uncles. He looks slightly younger than the stereotype middle-age uncles. And the radio is tuned to Perfect 10. I gotta be more observant!

My fault
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a bid to clear the slightly frosty air and do damage control, he doubled as a tourguide as we passed Mohammed Sultan- identifying all the clubs and pubs along the street.

I 'yeah, ya and oh' along. It isn't exactly a very nice feeling to relish, to see crowds of clubbers and party- goers have fun and unwind when I have been slogging at work at the client's place a few doors down these clubs.

Not daring to cut him off his enthusiastic rambling, I resorted to my most used tactic of whipping up the handphone to fend off any more conversation. Appeared to be fully focused on replying smses and answering a few phonecalls. Silence and peace ensued for a while.

Nearing my destination, i started giving him directions as to how to get to my place.
Me: 'Uncle, after the bus stop, chuan zuo' (Since the harm of calling him an uncle was already done, might as well continue right? Aniwei, how to address cab drivers other than uncles?Sir?)

Cab driver gets defensive: Why must you switch to Mandarin? You think all cab drivers can't understand English? We have to undergo training and speak proper English to passengers you know. Not Singlish like you were speaking to your friend over the phone just now. Btw, It's not ' I take already', its ' I took'.

What can I say? I got a taste of my own medicine.

For discourteously cutting him off with phonecalls and smsing.
For slipping into Singlish when I, condescendingly correct people's Singlish at other times.
For switching to Mandarin. I never liked it when friends/ colleague switch to English when I join the conversations- as if I can't hold a conversation in Mandarin. I should have known better than to do that. Bad bad move on my part.

Tsk. Shame on you, cranberry.

Giving and Taking

I have had to...

- Excuse myself from lunches with colleagues and absent myself from office functions and activities so as to meet up
- Furiously fend off the drowsiness at work and guilt of piling on the weight after all the heavy, greasy and carbo-laden lunches, dinners, suppers and drinks i was coaxed into having
- Watch my words & withdraw participation from 'news exchange' with others so as to keep that secret of yours
- Endure blisters standing there for 50 minutes waiting for the 'will be a lil late you'
- Postpone my sleeping time, time and again, sleep deprived as I am, to chat a little longer

But, in return,
- I receive encouraging , motivating and comforting smses in the morning to start the day off with a smile
- The day is made much more bearable when I have that lunch/dinner/supper meeting to look forward to that
- I have excuses to miss those networking functions and gatherings I have no desire to attend:P
- I have a chance to savour delicious dishes and desserts at new cafes and reminisce times at old ones
- I can look beyond my own miniscule problems to help a little when you confide your woes to me
- I get airtime to vent out all the pent up listlessness & frustrations within me to you who may not understand but still care enough to listen
- I get to enjoy, relax, laugh, unwind in the smashing company of you'll

It's because of you. All of you.


Taking turns-
To share and receive
Sometimes you talk, other times you listen
Sometimes you take initiative, other times you take a step back
Sometimes you give support, at others , you ask for help
Sometimes you cry, other times you lend a shoulder to cry on
Sometimes you write posts & read blogs, other times you comment (ahem, ahem:P)
Sometimes you give, other times you take.

Giving and taking. It's what friendship boils down to.