Pretense

Pretending

To look- as if the instructions were understood, what needs to be done is clear
To be comfortable with the people, interested in the conversations
To enjoy the company, indulge in the food, appreciate the drinks

Pretending, to ignite and show that confidence, sincerity, earnestness

And yet, pretending

Not to notice your presence
Not to need your concern, protection
Not to remember what you said, what you wore, what you ate
Not to care about the remarks you made and how much they actually mean

Pretending, to subdue that racing heart, restrain that interest and douse the sparks

Sometimes, a little trickery works- to give the mind tt leap of faith to surpass preconceived notions, to discover that actually one can take on the task and deliver the results.

But most of the time, pretending is a reflex against doubts, to conceal the fears and insecurities and bury them so deep in the hope that they wld never surface. In the process, they send wrong signals, create misunderstandings, let opportunities slip and cause regret.

God, give me the courage to admit and face these fears HEAD ON, and rip off tt shield of pretense.