Idling Away

Haven't blogged in a while.
And some frens are demanding to know why.
Cos I ought to be free. And happy. And enjoying life.

Well, yes, I am far from being busy.
Far from fighting the demands at the workplace
Far from being bogged down by time constraints
Far from the pressure of cancelling dinner appointments

And yet I've been one anti-social creature, holing up at home fending off the demons of blues, panic and despair- waves after waves of them. Not replying smses, not initiating MSN conversations, not arranging meetings with frens, not asking frens how they are as I was suppose/expect myself to since I'm so free now.

I am not someone who would blog about my day, things and feelings as and when they happen or someone who would voluntarily ask for help, call to talk to/ meet frens to pour out my troubles while situations are very much underway/in progress. Even when confronted, i tend to brush things off lightly.

I always feel rather squeamish when the attention's turned on me ( "shy") *blush* and feel as if I am imposing on others ( "considerate ") * blush blush* and sometimes, i am jus not very receptive to the advice/opinions of others and thinks not talking about it is the best way out( ahem, " stubborn?, private?, independent?") *blush blush blush*

Perhaps, there are implications underlying it- that I am not honest with frens, am pretentious, in denial of the problems or as I like to see it -am preventing myself from inviting more trouble and hurting frens' feelings when i am in the super snappy mood.

I am trying to see how it can be otherwise cos it's not good for me to keep things bottled up nor for frens who have been trying to help but are locked out.That said, I don't blame people for not knowing or understanding what I am feeling/ going thru. But don't blame me either and don't pretend to know me so well when clearly, it isn't the case.
(If you are reading this, you probably aren't the pple i am addressing, i am still ultimately quite cowardly,even it's telling people off, on my own blog)

Blah...hopefully, the storm tt i'm waiting to pass would quickly brew and the blues blown away and pass soon.


Meanwhile, the blogosphere is so quiet. It's not only me! Everyone else don't seem to be blogging/commenting too. Grr, not fair that I keep being asked and 'reprimanded' for not blogging for so long. Where's the fair play?

But well, still a little threatened by all the complaints of frens getting sick of seeing the same page everytime they check my blog. Thot I should at least try to do something so they know I am looking into their complaints plus curb the sliding readership of my blog in view of the tight competition with the readers' time/work/dates/sleep.

Was nearly going to announce my plan of changing blogskins to upgrade the blog and give you'll a surprise. But I guess my worries are unfounded, cos results have shown that you'll are not swayed by such carrots rite? ;)

So yeah, no change. Keep reading, commenting AND POSTING especially pls.

Have a good long weekend all of you!