The Employee's Dilemma
How do I...
- Hide in the pantry, take imaginary sip after sip out of an already empty styrofoam cup just to stall a bit more time to catch up with a friend
- Pretend to be busy and occupied, hold up the speed of doing things, so that efficiency won't be abused with extra work beyond my scope piled on me
- Feign ignorance, quell my view and stand, suppress my frustrations, withdraw from any involvement because I am too junior to be entangled in the politicking and too soon to see it all, be burnt out and jaded
- Be friendly, smile, guarded, obliging, wary all at once to you when I don't know and can't trust you yet but we need to develop at the very least, a cordial working relationship
- Insulate and immunise myself, against feeling too much, getting too affected when people leave and i'm left behind
How do I, pace myself and keep pace?
How do I, be genuine when so much is pretentious?
To quote a friend who's really going to walk the talk, are 'the treacherous ways of working adults creeping stealthily' into me?
As of now, I still feel revolted by these acts on somedays, I still sense the fear of losing myself- that after a day of brushing off, holding back and restraining of opinions and feelings, there's no longer the urge to voice, talk or blog about them - they are resigned to their fates, cast aside, buried deep within.
But, these days get less and less, while the days where I've deemed it as acceptable keeps increasing. After all, it does makes work a little easier and smoother- to feel, care, speak a little less and mind one's own business a bit more. It would be too tiring any other way.
Not something that's embraced, welcomed but necessary.
It's part and parcel of work. Of life.
I don't have your guts nor your mental and emotional strength ,wl, to make and stick to such a life-changing decision.
So I'm staying put, in search of my own touch, my own way of striking a balance-
Between bluntness and honesty, mere regard and respect, diplomacy and sincerity, slickness and geniality
I will grow, experiment, learn, grapple with it and plough on.
posted by Cranberrymist at 12:45 AM
6 Comments:
hahah. the wonderfully fragile balances we have to maintain at work. may we all succeed with the balancing acts!
Well said.. all this "mingling", trying hard to "Fit in".. but we gotta get into it anyways.. it's either you're in or out.. so let's at least try to make it halfway.. dun we all just dread it?..
Thx dears, u two have been sources of strength throughout.We'll all adapt and adjust ya?
Wow! What a thought-provoking post after such a long absence!
I can relate fully to whatever you have written.. Those extended self-declared breaks we had at the pantry cos we were really too tired from staring at figures or running errands; those fearful thoughts of sudden increase of workload when we completed our work much sooner than expected; those reservations we had when we engaged in little conversations with our new found friends/colleagues.. And don't forget about nasty clients and tight deadlines to make our situation worse!
Sigh~ When shall we tender?? :p
you will find your courage in your own little ways one day!
(originally sent in an sms but was requested to post here for all to see.. haha!)
Sunflower: Exactly!The list of reservations, apprehension and unfamiliarity jus goes on.But when do we tender? Hmmz... the day we become tai-tais ya?;)
Wl: U sure you are so blog-shy?:P
Aniwei, I will really miss hearing your spirited opinions for the refreshing doses of inspiration and insight they give me.
And those lunches n MSN conversations.
And ur camera.
And the fact tt you wont be ard to be the latest for all our meetings:P
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