More or Less

Sometimes,

The more one sleeps, the more lethargic one feels
The cheerier the tones of the entries, the darker one's mood is
The more one breaks into laughter, the more one chokes back tears within
The more one seeks to find answers, the more the questions that are left in the wake
The sweeter the moment is, the more bitter the aftertaste

There are times when,

The chirpier and animated I get talking about others, the more I hold back about myself
The more 'whatevers' I nonchantly utter, the more it actually matters and the more I care
The more I try to block myself from thinking of something/someone, the more it swirls and plays in my mind
The gentler the admonishment, the more reproachful I feel
The more I took things in my own hands, the less I relied on Him, the more worries, fears, obstacles and confusion befuddled me.

This, more or less...sums up the week.
For me. For family. For frens. For strangers.

A week of routine and surprises, lies and confessions, lost and found, trust and mistrust, leaps, wrestles, trips and triumphs. We've lost some and gained some.

But Lord, I no longer want to ask why. I no longer want to know why. For I KNOW, Your plan is the BEST PLAN. One that I never need to fret over, nor need to ponder if it can be relied on, up to standard or fool-proof. For one day, I would learn and recognise that it's the best path for me.
Even though fickle me may strongly believe today and doubt tomorrow, trust one day and
waver the next, be renewed today but battered tomorrow, thank You, Lord for never withdrawing Your promise to me.

A promise that would never be broken. The promise that would supply all the needs I ever had (Phil 4:19) so that I would " not walk in darkness, but have the light of life" (John 8:12).