Apathy

As billions affected grapple with the loss of loved ones all over Asia, a group of Singaporeans has been busy haranguing travel agencies and airlines for refunds of their cancelled trips. No signs of joy nor relief -of the close shave past death gates, nor sympathy for the missing and dead. Apathy? Indifference? Or maybe its just not being aware of how fortunate and blessed they have been/are. Something I fall prey to sometimes. I ought to be thankful...

Frenzy

One last try to overcome the crowds- may I come home triumphant today.

Roads Less Travelled

Lest I lose favour with sugar mummy who very kindly sponsored our indulgences on monday, I better dedicate some place on my blog to it:P...

If walking is a must for a trip to Europe, I am definitely an eligible candidate man, even in heels! Although trodding on crowded streets isn't a personal favourite, I must admit that the christmas carols did lift my spirits, spread some joyous cheer and set me in the Christmas mood. Jingle Bells, Jingle bells....U get the idea:)

The venture to 'cab's driver most happening place in Singapore' also proved rewarding with cracking jokes, eliciting laughs, spotting stereotypes and much brain activity expeded in deciding what food to get and which TV screen to watch our fave local production and numerous commercials. A shot of adrenalin rush speculating if the last bus has passed was finally sobered with the bus lumbering to the bus-stop...

"Soon it will be Christmas Day" ...

Around this time up to a few years ago, I would have dilligently surveyed the designs of xmas cards at various outlets for weeks, gone through a stringent cards' selection process , customized each card with long messages, copied the addresses painstakingly from an address book/class list, pasted the stamp and finally dropped the stack of cards into the post box fervently anticipating receiving xmas cards. Getting xmas cards always brought much joy- from the excitement of getting a unique/foreign stamp to the warmth of well-wishes and sincere handwritten messages.

Today, after much procrastination, i am guilty of sending out e-cards which I once upon a time deemed insincere and even that was after i finally surmount enough effort to type email addresses and xmas greetings. The receipent list has dwindled considerably from a few years back [reason being losing mailing addresses (pri/sec/jc) to just not getting mailing addresses anymore (uni)] and so has the number of cards i receive by mail although my circle of friends have widened considerably back from secondary/JC days- this is but just one aspect how the magic of Christmas has mutated insidiously within me.

What would Christmas be like next year when work beckons and the peak imminent? Is the festivities and joy going to get snubbed amidst all the workload and the mundane chores?

Accumulation

Been putting off clearing my stuff post exam....actually, pre-new term sounds more appropriate. more than 3 wks have passed and yet...the accumulation of the sem plus remnants from internship in Jul 04 and the sem before Feb-Jun 04 are still sitting around...err, maybe one or two documents from internship last year too? :s

it's such a duel -every year, every sem: as to what to keep, what to throw to make space for this sem's load and i so dread this decision making. Indecisiveness at work again...or maybe, jus being too sentimental about things. Lots of things that i cant bear to throw out...but probably which by leaving it around, i wont even remember the presence of until the next cleaning/clearing session.

I need space, space, space....both physically as well as literally i realise. I have let accumulation grow in too many places - from email box, to shelves and cupboards, to fats and bulges on me to blocks hindering my thinking, perception.

Rotiboy reigns!

Hmm, think member #4 and I makes a good pair man....together, we can form a 24 hr survellience with her not sleeping at 4.30am and me waking up at 6.30am...err, member #1 will be responsible for her forte: eating and shopping like she has been doing for the past week:P...

Yeah, aniwei, because i finally got one interested party who cares enough about the future of rotiboy...I am relieved to announce that Rotiboy's namesake hasnt (and i predict, wont) been (be) threatened by this unwelcome intrusion...

1. Food: **
Couldn't detect any lingering aroma of coffee/butter/bread even on the escalator leading down to the food court.
No piping hot, fresh from the oven, melt-in-your-mouth buns with so many buns baked and unsold.
Only redemption was its claim that it was healthier than rotiboy...shall take it as true. The oil din penetrate the paperbag as much. Or maybe...they used a grease proof bag! Hmmz.

2. Ambience: 1/2*
No snaking queues to trail to the final destination. Lack of ambience and no participation from buyer. Minus points for not working the crowd.

3. Price: 1/2*
$0.10 more expensive than yours truly. Pricing system no incentive for buyers to get more.

Conclusion: Yours truly reigns!!

Playing Detective

Agenda for today:

Gonna test the Papparoti that has surfaced @ the food court in Paradiz Centre. The cheek of it to impose as Rotiboy!!

Give Thanks

Thanks for the reminder...it's high time I did.


Give Thanks
Give thanks with a grateful heart. Give thanks to the Holy One.
Give thanks because God’s given Jesus Christ the Son.
Give thanks with a grateful heart. Give thanks to the Holy One.
Give thanks because God’s given Jesus Christ the Son.
And now let the weak say I am strong, let the poor say I am rich;
Because of what the Lord has done for us.
And now let the weak say I am strong, let the poor say I am rich;
Because of what the Lord has done for us.
Give thanks, give thanks.

Fickle

Feeling kind of empty this morning ...after two whole weeks of back to back activities- meeting up with frens, catching up, feasting, singing and shopping...actually, nope, i havent even got down to shopping yet:P... This morning I was hit by the realization that 85% of my frens are overseas now. And it doesnt help that the only semblance of a job i had dun need me anymore.Sharks...should not have been earnest and entered the data and completed the job so quickly . I need a job to occupy myself with!

Wanna go back to playing Typer Shark but can't rekindle the enthusiasm or excitement anymore. So it is with so many other things in my life. I no longer can comprehend nor relive the feelings I possessed for it/him/her/we/them once upon a time. Interest has waned, motivation snubbed, energy ebbed. It even irks me when I recall my actions then- how can I have liked/done something like that? Never thought of myself as being fickle but perhaps, beneath it all, I am capricious. Especially so recently- haven't been able to make up my mind on lots of stuff, some trivial and others important but it's disturbing me quite a bit , for I know the consequences of my indecisiveness will (have already) appear(ed).

Aniwei, to sidetrack:see the word capricious on top? Well, for a long long time, being a good english student and following the advice of all the good ol' english teachers who grounded into me the usefulness of learning and inferring an unfamiliar word from a rootword, i have always thought capricious was something positive, following from the musical piece capriccio. But oh well, looks deceive don't they?

Never say never...

Pinned down another reason for my listlessness recently. A few days back in one click of the keypad-i accidentally deleted all my smses on my handphone. Din feel anything much at that moment but the sense of loss has been mounting and gripping me over the days as i recall various msgs of encouragement, gossips, well wishes, sympathies - the exchanges of my daily life and a few special smses that I have painstakingly kept despite the constant threat of not having any more message space. Those special messages from special someones where the msgs would be opened, read and re-read , mused and savoured over and over again. In there, includes an sms from one whom i will never hear from again....and with my accidental deletion,another piece of him is reduced from a physica possession that i had to an all so ethereal memory.

Never, the word has take on overwhelming meaning and depths since a certain day not so long ago. And a gasp was all i could manage when the profound meaning and implications of the word first hit me. It's an exclusive word that has been over- and mis-used but when realization dawned on me that fateful day, it eliminated many situations I have previously termed as 'never' - not doing well for a presentation is not never, nor is failing an exam, not being able to get on the honours list; breaking-up (Note from my language coach 8/12/04: It should be breaking up...its two words :P) is not never, nor is not clinching the interview or the dream job. And yes, this is what i am trying to remind myself the past few days...trying not to be myopic and not to be bowled over by the blind pursuit for something called success.

Postscript:Yet through it all, He has been faithful and my pillar of strength. Amen.

Post Exams Evaluation

It's funny how how much difference a few days can make...while I was so intrigued by the game a few days back, the novelty has worn off somewhat and there's no interest and patience to sustain me through the game today...Lots of minute little things gnawing at me... kinda feeling blue after the last result came out.

It is annoying myself how i am letting my grades affect me like that and hard as i try, i am still feeling disappointed over how i fared in the exams. It never fails to amaze, or rather, shock people how badly i can perform for exams....time and again, tried and tested. And its very vexing and disappointing, to see my hardly maintained grades dip and plunge when exams are taken into account. Think i am developing a phobia for exams which i so shouldn't. Need to work on overcoming that. Recently, the past few semesters, I don't seems to have the sustenance to last me through revision...and tt is the crux of the matter i think. Not being able to convince myself that I have done the best i could, been going out a lot, even during the exams. Hee, long gone are the days in secondary/JC days where the exam week was strictly exams....no going anywhere... and full attention was devoted to studying for the exams. Taking it a lot lighter nowadays.

Aniwei, know that i shouldn't go down this path. I should try to savour and appreciate this holidays. It's so easy to fritter the holidays away being upset over this and that, and I hope i won't let myself go down this way. More thoughts coming up....stay tuned:P

Lessons from Typer Shark

It's been close to a week since. Not a very good impression to create i guess, especially for a rookie blogger. Should start off the blog with a big bang - a few entries per day, no? - to create the earnestness, the momentum, the excitement...but aniwei, since i din do it, i decided to cheat a little, by changing the time of this entry. Yup, old habits die hard.Hee hee, well, its not exactly cheating is it? The ideas from this blog did germinate at the time....jus that, erhmm, it requires some processing to piece it all together.

Well, one reason for not blogging is definitely typer shark-this game i have (unfortunately) discovered just before my exams. Have since been hooked to it and i guess all the typing saps any hand power i have left to blog. This game does wonders man...on top of being a superb distractor, entertainer,time killer, its a self discovery tool too. Yup, now we can do away with all the personality tests and what nots that cost a bomb just to tell us things we already know about ourselves. Typer Shark can do all that and more! How determined one is, how one channels his/her energy into the task at hand, whether one is avoidant/confronational in nature, whether one is patient/impatient...to find out, pls play Typer Shark. *wink*

Lessons learnt:
1) To keep calm in all circumstances
No matter how bleak the situation is,when the end seems near, the key is to keep calm to hit the right keys and score more points. When the mind is calm, it has a ripple effect on the rest of the body, so that the calmness transcends all.

2) Live with the mistakes
Mistakes are continually committed and there are so many times where I feel so turned off by silly mistakes that cost a live or a chance (in the game, what were you thinking about:P) , i give up and restart the game. But how is this possible in real life, to start from scratch, to reverse everything and retake an action, a move, a decision? Hardly any chance i guess.
Note to myself: I have got to learn to accept my mistakes and move on instead of harping on the wrongs and wallowing in pity/anger/ifs and buts ,dwelling on it to no avail and waste a second chance.

3) Do not give up
Many times, it seems so bleak, almost certain that game's over, but the game's not over till it is announced and every millisecond before that is a chance to redeem the situation and if the mind is set to doing it, a reversal is possible.

A reminder to always give the matter at hand the best shot regardless of how unlikely, the desired outcome may be. There are too many times where i have chosen to give up when actually, the situation could have been salvage

Gee, its starting to sound preachy, but well, since i am already too sunk into the game, i might as well get something out of it. Other lessons till later, its back to the game now.:)