Just for Laughs

There are the trivial and heavily used lolz and and ROFLs that pepper nearly every sentence on MSN and in smses

There are the perfectly timed and executed hahas to mitigate and ease the mood after a serious, possibly offending statement/view rendered

There are the ice-breaking heehees that's autoemitted to the humourless jokes that the newly made aquintance just keeps on telling

There are the hahas, heehees, hurhurs that are uttered and dilligently rotated to avoid monotonousness as replies to indicate presence on online conversations which one is caught in/ have no wish to participate in

The are the hahas that encrypt the indignance felt and give a misguided sense that one's happy, sweet and all things nice

...

I've laughed too much like these in recent days, when nothing's funny, when nothing's tickling my nerves, when the laughs are learned and practised reflexes.
What i need now is a good, long, side-spilitting,biological, natural laugh- the uncontrollable kind, the ill-timed ones, the inappropriate one, the crappy ones
Like those in primary school that a friend and I try so hard to stifle cos the teacher's scolding us and it's so not right to laugh. Suppose to look all remorseful and repentant y'know.
Like those in school/ library, in the middle of the night, when the stress level hits a common chord in all of us, and our funny nerves get triggered by the silliest things. Nobody knows what is so funny but we laugh all the same.Heartily, heaving, hyperventiliating, till we are in stitches.
Good stomach workout I would say. Considering I havent been doing crunches for quite a while.

I need a laugh, to indulge myself this weekend when I've to work both Sat and Sun. Haha.
Now...what kind of laugh was tt?;)

On A Rainy Night

Before the rain...

Some smelt it in the air, felt the light breeze of wind and sensed the ache in their bones
even before the rain fell
Others were bogged down and preoccupied with so much work they did not even notice the darkening of the sky

During the rain...
Some whipped open their umbrellas and ducked for shelters to hear the raindrops pattering above them
Others dashed and ran through the rain to feel the raindrops pattering down on their bare skin

Some are caught in the rain, cold and drenched, trying hard not to slip and fall walking on the wet, slippery pavement
Others are tucked comfortably in bed, trying hard not to fall asleep on a cosy night like this

Some are sad and down, for the slight drizzle is a sign of the skies grieving and mourning with them over their predicaments.
Others are happy and joyous- even the flashes of lightning looked like celebratory fireworks and the rumbling thunder, roars of joy

After the rain...

Some moods are dampened by the downpour- for the reminders of grey, cold and wet
Other moods are lifted and refreshed- for the promise of sunshine after the rain


A kaleidescope of...
Actions. Situations. Feelings. Emotions. Perceptions.
All on a rainy night

The Employee's Dilemma

How do I...

- Hide in the pantry, take imaginary sip after sip out of an already empty styrofoam cup just to stall a bit more time to catch up with a friend

- Pretend to be busy and occupied, hold up the speed of doing things, so that efficiency won't be abused with extra work beyond my scope piled on me

- Feign ignorance, quell my view and stand, suppress my frustrations, withdraw from any involvement because I am too junior to be entangled in the politicking and too soon to see it all, be burnt out and jaded

- Be friendly, smile, guarded, obliging, wary all at once to you when I don't know and can't trust you yet but we need to develop at the very least, a cordial working relationship

- Insulate and immunise myself, against feeling too much, getting too affected when people leave and i'm left behind

How do I, pace myself and keep pace?
How do I, be genuine when so much is pretentious?

To quote a friend who's really going to walk the talk, are 'the treacherous ways of working adults creeping stealthily' into me?

As of now, I still feel revolted by these acts on somedays, I still sense the fear of losing myself- that after a day of brushing off, holding back and restraining of opinions and feelings, there's no longer the urge to voice, talk or blog about them - they are resigned to their fates, cast aside, buried deep within.

But, these days get less and less, while the days where I've deemed it as acceptable keeps increasing. After all, it does makes work a little easier and smoother- to feel, care, speak a little less and mind one's own business a bit more. It would be too tiring any other way.
Not something that's embraced, welcomed but necessary.
It's part and parcel of work. Of life.

I don't have your guts nor your mental and emotional strength ,wl, to make and stick to such a life-changing decision.
So I'm staying put, in search of my own touch, my own way of striking a balance-
Between bluntness and honesty, mere regard and respect, diplomacy and sincerity, slickness and geniality

I will grow, experiment, learn, grapple with it and plough on.