Coming of age?

It used to be, back in pri/sec school that sharing of secrets are a large part of how we make and keep friends.
It's a source of pride- to be a trusted confidant, to know something exclusive.
It's an affirmation of the strength of the friendship, a responsibility that is regarded seriously, so that a secret would really be what it is, a secret.
Much efforts are taken to earn that respect of becoming a confidant.
Maybe it's a petty girl thing but for the 'secret-teller', be prepared to endure cold wars or even lose the friendship if your best fren finds out that you let someone else other than her know the secret first. It's a big no-no to be guilty of misplacing/betraying the trust.

Now, however, there's no longer the coaxing even when sometimes, its evident that friends need a listening ear and are waiting for us to offer some help.
No longer the feeling of honour to be the friend's lifeline of help.
No offense taken when you find out a good fren's secret from someone else.
Only the sense that you don't want to know that much sometimes.
Only the thought that you don't want to be caught in a dilemma/be bogged down and burdened by those dark secrets - as if you don't have enough of your own.
Sadly, sometimes, you rather not know...

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It used to be, that when we hear good news/or potential good news, we embraced it with sheer joy. That hope, even if it's jus a shimmer, is fully amplified and stretched - to imagine, bask and dream of what good may happen, what good can happen. We talk about it. We announce it to share the happiness. And jus that gleam of hope can bring so much strength. The spirit is indomitable.

Now, there's no longer that pure joy nor the true belief in hope.
Only the reflex attempts to subdue any sense of hope that tries to lodge itself in the mind.

Whenever hope creeps into the mind, whenever the mind entertains the possibilities ( that the leave maybe approved, that we maybe selected for the job, that a handsome bonus maybe awaiting), we skeptically question if it's for real, wander how long it's going to last, frantically try to swipe out any glimmer of hope and foolishly choose to attend and focus on those unfounded fears and worries.

It's kept hushed up, we keep mum about it cos it may not come true, cos its so embarrassing to have to retract our words, cos it's so awkward and painful to have to explain/ deal with people's reactions/surprise/shock . We rather not say, so that there's no need to have to cope with the expectations of others on top of our own, if these hopes don't materialise in the end

.

Better to be safe than sorry.
For fear that the higher the hopes, the harder the fall.

In the name of being conservative and managing expectations.

To cushion the disappointments, uncertainties, and possible turn and twists in events.

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The older we get, the more we are intolerant to a beating in pride, the more we do not express or volunteer concern for friends for fear that it's not reciprocated.

The older we get, the smaller the threshold for failure is, the more we don't harbour hopes or dare to dream for fear of embarrassment and disappointment

To show more concern and love again.

To conjure and believe in hope again.

The armours to combat that balloning pride and fan on that increasingly fragile courage and spirit .

Because, after all- that's what life is, isn't it?

Love, faith and hope.