2007 Wrap Up

Yet another year just about over and it's springcleaning time once again.

Another 365 days worth of lessons to be learnt, feelings and actions to be reflected upon, memories to be stashed away - all for a fresh, and hopefully, better next year.

Have learnt that the most effective way to springclean (assuming space constraint) is to be ruthless so as to throw things out.This, I can proudly declare- I've mastered over the last few years. Take a moment more to flip through the set of notes, try on a forgotten blouse and hesitance set in. Note the key word here is need, not want, now (a forseeable timeframe) not faraway future.

Take it to a more metophorical level, however, and the above described springcleaning prowess is sorely lacking. Notions, sentiments,relationships, recollections - who/which to erase, delete or relinquish and clear out.

At this stage (and perhaps, age) most often than not, it is not about knowing what is right or wrong -that, usually is the simplest step. Between intention and action though is the big big gap. The attractive allure of familiarity, chemistry, attachment, achievement to things, people and emotions make it so hard to let go and so much easier to cling on, to bask in past glories, relish and reminisce memories. Emotional 'shortcuts' - to have and to hold, be it an object, a status, a person, a common understanding, a shared experience - are convenient and thus tempting , saving the need to explain from the beginning, start from scratch or restarting from square one.

And good values like treasuring stuff and resilience can morph insidiously to become pride, stubborness, and fear that hold one hostage. Expecting results or reciprocity of some kind after investing and devoting so much time, emotions and efforts, then refusing to give up cos it is a sign of weakness and all through, plagued by the fear of being unable to cope going from rich to poor, having all to having none. Isn't it so foolish to give up after coming so far, so painful to forget, so difficult to handle - the hoardings taunt.

Addiction- aplenty in today's society.
Addiction to food, alcohol, play and lifestyle.
Addiction to praise, recognition and achievement.
Addiction to habit and comfort, melancholy and pain.
Addiction to love.
Addictions that I've fallen prey to consciously and unconsciously, time and again in this year.

God gives where he finds empty hands - St. Augustine

This year, I've
Submitted with one hand clenched with hoardings.
Submitting with empty hands then withdrawing both hands.
Submitting with empty hands but heavy hearts full with lingering doubts and regrets.
Submitting with empty hands plus a proposal and a bargain to keep some of the hoardings.

Learning to wholly and willingly let go and surrendering.
Teach me Lord in this coming year.

Happy New Year all and any tips/insights would be much appreciated:)