Way Back In

Hello, it's been a while yet again.
Guess that's what happens when one declares absence or leave. More often than not, one never comes back in form again. Well, at least for me. And my excuse? Bad timing - having waves of inspiration at wrong times and then none at all when I am in front of the computer.

Aniwei, it seems like I am in some identity entanglement of sorts these days.
Just in a week, I've been told:
- That I've gained some weight, then in the next moment, someone else exclaimed that I have lost quite a bit of weight
- I am too fussy and picky and then advised not to be so nice and let things go so easily without a fight
- That I'm so sensible then asked the next why I can be so cowardly and restrained, to chose not to find out
- I am friendly and forthcoming and then that I am so passive, then pleaded, to open up and share what the problem is
- I am realistic and mature and in the same breath, pessimistic and jaded

Quarter-life crisis? Probably, i can feel it inching by more acutely than any birthdays before.
As a child I took much value in listening to myself and trusting my own opinions.
Then as a teenager, I swung the balance to put the weights on the judgement of friends/strangers/ people with authority.

Now...
Perhaps there is where the dilemma lies.
Whose opinions are true? Who is being honest, who is not? (P/S: Drop me a comment/ email and let me know what you think:P )
Cos now, unlike before, there is the realisation that everything's grey and subjective.
What works for one may not work for the other and at the end of the day, there's only so much that you can tell, that people can advise you, and that you, bear the consequences - good or bad for the decisions you've taken.

The 'It' word of our time- balance.
It's time for me to move back to the centre of the scale. To move my way back in.
To throw out all the skeletons out, to confront all the fears, insecurities, confusion.
I so need faith.